Getting started with computers
How to video call your grandchildren
Video calling is the thing people most often want to learn, and the thing they are most nervous about getting wrong in front of family.
It is genuinely easy once somebody shows you which button to press. The difficulty is almost never the technology. It is that nobody explained which of the six available apps you are supposed to use.
Which app, and why it matters
You do not choose this. Your family chooses it for you, and the right answer is simply whatever they already use.
- FaceTime if everybody has an iPhone or iPad. Built in, nothing to install.
- Messenger if the family is on Facebook. Very common in Australia.
- WhatsApp if anybody lives overseas, or the family already uses it for group chats.
- Zoom for larger family gatherings, or where people have a mix of devices.
- Google Meet if the family is on Android and Gmail.
Ring one of your children and ask which they use. Then learn that one and ignore the others entirely. Trying to learn all of them at once is how people end up feeling overwhelmed.
Starting a call
The pattern is nearly identical in every app:
- Open the app.
- Find the person’s name in your contacts or conversation list.
- Look for a video camera icon, usually at the top right.
- Tap it.
- Wait. They have to answer, exactly like a phone call.
That is all of it. Every app hides the camera icon in roughly the same place.
Answering is the same idea: the device rings and shows two buttons, usually green to accept and red to decline. Tap green.
The bits people find awkward
Holding the device. Hold it a little further away than feels natural, roughly at arm’s length, and slightly above eye level rather than below. Resting it on a stack of books or a stand is much better than holding it, both for your arm and for the picture.
Where to look. Everybody looks at the other person’s face on screen, which means you appear to be looking down. If you want to appear to make eye contact, look at the small camera lens at the top of the device instead. Most people never bother, and it does not matter much.
Getting the light right. Sit facing a window rather than with your back to it. With a bright window behind you, you become a silhouette. This single change makes more difference to how you look than anything else.
Muting yourself by accident. If they cannot hear you, look for a microphone icon with a line through it and tap it. This accounts for most video call confusion, and it happens to everybody.
Making the call less stilted
The most common complaint is not technical. It is that the calls feel awkward, particularly with younger grandchildren who lose interest quickly.
Give the call a job. “Show me your room.” “Help me with this crossword.” “Watch me feed the birds.” A call with a purpose runs much more naturally than one where everybody sits looking at each other trying to think of news.
Short and often beats long and rare. Ten minutes on a Sunday every week is far better received than an hour once a month, particularly by children.
Do something in parallel. Have a cup of tea together. Cook the same thing. Read a book to a small child, holding it up to the camera. Younger children respond far better to activity than to conversation.
Do not worry about silences. They feel much longer to you than to them.
Common problems, quickly solved
“They cannot hear me.” Check the microphone icon for a line through it. Then check the device is not on silent.
“It is blurry or keeps freezing.” Almost always the internet connection at one end. Move closer to the router, or ask them to. If it persists, the Wi-Fi guide may help.
“I cannot find the app.” Swipe down on the home screen of a phone or tablet and type the first few letters of its name. This search works on every phone and saves an enormous amount of hunting through pages of icons.
“It says I need to sign in.” You need an account for most of these. This is the step people get stuck on, and it is worth doing once with somebody sitting beside you rather than fighting it alone.
Practise on somebody forgiving
The nervousness is about doing it wrong in front of family. So practise with the least critical person you know, or with somebody who will not mind a few false starts.
Better still, have your first proper call while somebody is sitting with you, so that if something goes wrong there is no panic.
Getting it set up properly
Setting this up once, properly, with the right app, the right account, the contacts already saved and a practice call to prove it works, is one of the most worthwhile hours anybody spends on a computer.
It is one of the most common requests in my lessons for seniors, and it is genuinely the most enjoyable one to teach.